Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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