Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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