Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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