I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
