Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
