I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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