i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize