spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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