i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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