before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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