definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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