Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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