dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
