I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're like the curious george of whores
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
