Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
