I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
