The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
