Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
