Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
