just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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