Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
