in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
