Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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