its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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