My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
