watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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