Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
