She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we're so committed to being not committed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
