i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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