My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize