I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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