I think I am morally bankrupt
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i will never coherently bang her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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