I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
