After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
