Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
