my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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