im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.