Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.