Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
