i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come