No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
