my shit smells like andre
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT