I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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