i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
