She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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