If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
