I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
