More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
