Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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