Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
