I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have fence marks all over my body
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
