Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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