Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You did what with his pubic hair?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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