once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
