Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
