dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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