it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
