well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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