After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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