I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
