Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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