super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
