I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
