did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
