i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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