god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
