doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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