Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
organizing the empties. That sober.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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