So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
