I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
