you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
