Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
