dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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