I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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